Kayd's

Alone At Home...

2006-08-20T11:07:00.000+08:00

Pretty lonely, not even wanan go for meal. Aunty and family has gone to Singapore for vacation for a week. So i have to settle myself to survive.

Saturday, definitely not a good day. My lover, was cheating on me again. Betrayal...betrayal...betrayal....this is what...erm..the 10th time? if i tell u this is the 10 time or more, and i still didn't let go, will you think im stupid?Will u think im too stubborn?will u advise me to break up? I duno.....i am numb with the betrayal of love, the same person, and it just wont stop. No matter how hard i try to improve myself, to care, to give in love, to be mature and think wisely, to plan for our future(which i naively think we have one)....i am still not worth enough to be loved, and i still get the betrayal.....

It was so pain, when i knw the news.....while driving back from tesco, which i almost met with two accidents....i am down. No matter what i did, im still a loser in love. I can't secure my love's heart.....what is wrong with me?I duno..i keep thinking....

After the two shocking almost-met-accident, i was safely home. Feeling moodless, and trying to swift my focus to house chores, cleaning up the house, keep the mess, iron the clothes for aunty since they are not around. Shamely, its my first time doing all this stuff.....get burn when ironing clothes...few times...Ouch....silly......and i spoilt two clothes when ironing them.....stupid...

Yeah,maybe is my dependancy, my naiveness, my stupidy, my sillyness and my foolish...i was cheated, again and again, which make my lover think i wont run away no matter what....
i try to grow, i try to be wise, i try to be strong and independant...i try....and i try to say Good bye to love... :(...i wish i can...

Many frens asked me, why i am still clinging on after so many betrayals.....i duno...i just hope one day, my lover will change, because of me. Too naive, and too early to dream? Im waiting, coz i see our future...but my lover might not have the same thinking....i am jsut a passer by in my lover's life............

Now i really hate myself to be or look so naive and stupid.............

im confused.....i was sad..and sinfully, im watching tvb series "天幕下的恋人 Love In The Sky", its about sweet romantic love story....and i had just had a bad love treats.....

a lonely week, started bad.....and i hope it wont continue.

早知道伤心总是难免的，我又何苦一往情深。
有些是我现在不必问，有些人我永远不必等。。。

what am i waiting for?
- a guts to break up?
- a future of togetherness?
- a love that has no betrayal.....
- a lover that loves me, that walks the journey of life with me.....
???

Something Does Matters

2006-08-14T11:16:00.000+08:00

A week after birthday, 21st, what so good about it?nothing. Get to spend some time with someone, and the rest was staying home at bed, and almost fall sick but i didnt come soon.
Had a dinner with aunty at night, and there goes my birthday.

Something, is bothering my mind, problem is i don't know what is it. I was suffering insomnia last week, my sleeping time was not fix at all.

This past weekend, i went to my fren's convo. Its so fun, to meet up bunch of old friends, those graduated and those studying in Cyberjaya. Its a tiring journey but it worth valueless.

Well as i predicted, i wont get to go Singapore on my birthday,ssome kinda birthday gift for myself which i didnt make it to reality. Sacarstic enough, my aunt is going to Singapore this weekend, 13 days, with her family,working and vacation. I will be all alone in penang. Lonely...
my mind is jsut too mixed up, cant process a thing......

I just know that i need a BREAK, i want a vacation.....this end of august, national day is on 31st, but its on thursday. Bad enough, i might take a day off on friday to make it four days and travel to Singapore alone. I just need a break, ran off many thing.
I am a total strangers in SG....worry a little......but i need to go somewhere...

how i hope i can be like a kids and say, " I am Not Happy!!" :(
then someone will come and caress and hug u, pampering u to bed or sort so....[keep dreaming]

21 Year In My Life.

2006-07-25T20:50:00.000+08:00

2 weeks more, going to be 21 already. Shall i look back? or shall i just proceed?

I want to, turn my head and gaze for the past, but i don't have the guts, i fear for the fact that i didn't achieve any life goals, I afraid of myself that has changed too much, I frighten that i have taken a regretful road, and i, terrified that im going to no where.

5th of August, has always been a dull day in my life. Never remarkable, nor magnificiant. Until i came to my Uni life, people starts to celebrate birthday, and i celebrated my first birthday, in my first year in Uni life. Then, the day 5th of August, has never been so joyous and anticipated. This year, it's coming, it's counting down from every clock ticks. Ironically, this year birthday falls on Saturday, which i think will augur well my 21 years old birthday.

For the past years, i hadn't had any birthday wishes, if you have seen me making one, it's just for the sake of making it. Well this year, i wonder where comes the sudden impulse that i want it so much, to make my birthday wish, number of it! It must be the working life, it must be the transition of life, it must be the changed of my mind, on starting to have a proper realistic plan for my future, my working life, my life with my love and our future. I put a hope of us far and high away, and i started to build the reaching road.

I have came across a couple of friends, who tell me what i can or have to do since im aging to 21. To go and have FUN, hit in the casino, go to the pub without worrying of the spot check...and many more. They try to assure me that on the edge of Law, im legal for anything which an adult is. Yes, i am well aware of that, but i never take those as any special events. I accept it, as it will come sooner or later anyhow. I don't have to drag a hooker on 21 to prove that im an Adult,right?haha...Well being for 21, there are countable of things that needs my concern to work on rather than trying hard out to show that im an adult. Dwelling in the working life, i started to worry of my future, will i have enough credits and skills to survive? If i have, how can i make value out of myself fo justification? Stucked in Intel, has opened up my eyes, very very much. Just 1 and a half month in it, i have been unwillingly rolled into some political issue, pity, but i have learnt, to see but not to hear. See it yourself, not from others. The only thing you can trust is your eyes, sometimes even your ears are not reliable as people tends to talks alot and those rumours and bad talks just going straight into your ears pulsing to your mind which makes your mind believe that those are real, in fact its not.

Done with the working part, so much to write as i have been through alot. My birthday wish,

" I wish to have a creditable and labourly fruitful jobs after grads."
"I wish to have a quality life after im working."
"I wish to be with my love, for the next 3 ,30 or 300 years?as long as the love in this world prevails."
"I wish i will have a healthier body, not to fall sick so often"
"I wish me and my love is as well and fine couple as we will always complete each other."

Reason i make the first wish this year is this is the suitable time for it as for my next year birthday it will be too late for i have graduated.
Second wish came in as my needs, rather than hope. One always say you need it, you will have to want it, you want it, then you will have to go for it. So i will go for quality life when im financially stable.
Third wish, is always special, to me, a LEO. Leo maybe popularized by public and friends, but he always knows who he love. I have found you and you will be the rest.
Fourth, i really wonder why, i am so fragile of late. Keep falling sick and i was sick for the whole June which makes me lost weight, terribly. Now i am just trying to charged back, eating much and much. So i hope that i will be healthier.
And for the last and final one, it's the wish for both of us. I am always so round and complete with your presence.

Before i end, i has this little wish, which i hope to spent my birthday in Singapore, but i guess i wont happen. Anyway it's just my dream. :)

Happy Birthday to Myself.

纸条的故事。。。

2006-07-11T08:34:00.000+08:00

世足过了，回到了办公室，3天的假期，结束时感情也变质了。

11/7 ：今天迟到了十分钟，进办公室时还遇见老板。到了位子，看见了一张字条，是一位上星期离开的理大实习生留的。纸条写到：

" IE Grass, Kaydrin :

Cannot imagine u r still so young?!! Nice to know u. Stay Happy & Work Smart.

Jesus love u.

(dun always sms-ing lah.)

2006,LingLia"

认识她并不是很久，但很高兴有她这一位美女做朋友。ＩＥ　Ｇｒａｓｓ．．．这几个字看了让我笑了一下，Ｉｎｄｕｓｔｒｉａｌ　Ｅｎｇｉｎｅｅｒｉｎｇ　的　Ｄｅｐａｒｔｍｅｎｔ　草，还真的让我想了一下，才懂她的意识。。。哈哈！！这张纸条，让我在３天的暴风雨后，得到了少少的安尉。

The Difference

2006-07-06T19:07:00.000+08:00

Busy Busy and Busy...this week i energize myself to 100% utilization as my work started to pumped in wholely. Stress is adding on and i kept waking up at night. Undeniably, Intel works is abit stressfull and eventfull...you have to be multitasking to survive, as i am, i had 3 project on hands..even that im just an interns, not yet a permanent employee. Cant sleep well at night, body ache, headache/migrant...syntoms of overwork and stress.

Monday : I had a planning chat with my supervisor as he has no time for me for the past month. We talk about what am i going to do, with the whole plan and roadmap. There goes my work, started. Adding to the case, my other colleagues/supervisor, TK, with no reason stuff a project to my hand and to be completed on Thursday, as the presentation will be on Friday morning, for god sake, to the US side Intel by conference call.

Tuesday : Its a day full of training, from 9-5.30, completely tired up my whole body. The training is bout Statistical 101, which something similar to Mean, Median, Varian, S.D., Bar Chart, Box Plot....and how to use the excel-alike software, JMP. Its a data analysis tool which is useful and more powerful than Ms-Excel. Well..its a boring and heavy class, and i have body ache after attending it.

Wednesday : First thing in the morning when i step in my office, i started to work on the Inventory Tool Tracker, which TK assigned to me. He is not my supervisor and i got nothing related to him, but he likes to give me things to do or talk to me. He just being friendly i guess. Well yesterday he burned a CD for me and all my colleages are like suspecting him over me. So at times i try to avoid him. I hope i wont get rolled into the "G.A.Y" phenomena once again.
Back to this morning, i was busy doing the thing, and almost completing, Tk come and request for some changes. The rest of the time was torturous, for changing this and that until i dont have time for my breakfast. During lunch time, i took a big plate of rice to refilled my drumming tummy which in turn makes me feel very sleepy at the Statistic 101 training session 2. After the training, it was time to continue finishing up my inventory tracker again. I went back late today.

Thursday : Same as wednesday, doing the Inventory Tool Tracker whole day and completed it with the goal meeting TK request. At the end of the day, i just knew that i had to do power point and present it on the next day morning, through Conference Call to US Intel. I was panic and almost pass out. I had never done any conference call before and only permanent employee will do that. but wonder why i was the chosen one. My colleages say its because of my english so they have faith in me to do the conference call. I couldnt imagine it, but just trying to prepare as much as possible so that i wont screw the whole thing up tommorow morning. and that is why now, 7.21pm im still the in office.

Friday : Well i predict today as a mix feeling day, morning will be the US Conference Call, excited, anxiety and nervous. Lunch time, it will be the hard time as a whole bunch of my colleages, from USM interns, is leaving today. They are going back to school next week. I missed the time with them, when the first day i come in Intel, how they treated me..the warmest welcome...the department will surely be a little less noisy but less colorful without them... :(( there it goes, the farewell lunch for my bunch of colleages from USM. Friday, usually its a free day, afternoon will be staff meeting, still waiting for order if i need to attend or not. Else it will be the time for me to finish up my WorkWeek27 tasks, and put a stop to the whole week job.
Then...its Happy Hours...well i will spend it at home packing as i will be going to KL...paktor..haha...next monday its penang holiday..so will be there for 3 days..Cool!!

Saturday-Monday : Not Available. Try to bump into me at KL if you are there too... :P

The tiring Work Week 27... work week 28, will be more tight the schedule, anyway i do hope the fruit of my labour, is tasty.

我怕了，真的受伤了。。。

2006-06-17T15:50:00.000+08:00

你怕了，收手了，
我很安慰，也很疑惑。
信任，早已走了，
从来，那是什么？

知道不是为了爱，
更不是为了我，
是因为你的私隐被侵犯了，
是因为你的纸保不住火了，
所以你止步了。

我矛盾，该相信你吗？
没有你，会习惯吗？
之前的解释，出现了漏洞，
不该再想了，再次的欺骗，我能接受吗？

付出的爱，能收回吗？
以牙还牙，能做到吗？
但对你的爱，还是深过一切，
最后的我，选择了宽容。

我对了吗？
我错了吗？
给我的谎言，
都怪我有罪。
我无话可说，
只当听不见，
让事情过去，
期待下一个晴天。

Different definitions of "TGIF" for a student & a worker. -2nd Week, WorkWeek 24

2006-06-16T16:08:00.000+08:00

TGIF...haha...days ago when i was still a pure student, i don't understand what is TGIF, when i know its the abbreviation for Thank God It's Friday, but i don't really feel and understand the use of it. Days later, that i had turned into an employee, i deeply understand the meaning of this four characters, Thank God It's Friday, that marks the end of the busy bugs work week.

Friday...hmm...whats so special about it?usually it tends to be a more free work day(the cultural of Intel, others im not so sure) as most of the conferences and meeting is schedule on friday. Work time is lesser as most of the time is for meeting only, and another good thing is we have 2 hours lunch break. As for today's lunch, I have it at McD Sunshine Square with my colleages.

Gosh...have i mentioned that i have gained weight?damn...usually i sleept at 8 something or 9, and take breakfast, lunch, tea time, dinner.How can i not getting plum? Don't really manage to arrange my time to gym yet, trying to do own exercise at home..and go for a jog during weekend. But weekend...its too good to have fun or stay at home that i rarely think of exercise...Damn...i need to get rid of all those lumps of fat.....

My supervisor was on half day leave today as he flew to Sg for a birthday vacation with his fiancee. Well he is going to get marry on August which makes him fly back to US for the whole August for their Wedding & Honeymoon. Good for him..."shall the man and woman be in love forever."Oh yea..did i ever mention who are they?My supervisor is Tim, and his fiancee is Emilia. Both are Intellers.

below are my colleagues from Intel...of course not all of them....just a number of it, mostly intern.we took lunch at BJ Kenny Rogers at my first day, for a lunch farewell for one employee who left Intel.

From front : Seng Yeong, Miss Pua and Anas.

from front : Ah Chuan, Fung Ling and Me.

All of them are from USM except me and fung ling.,we are in a same cute with seng yeong. All of us are intern expect seng yeong, he is a graduate trainee. see?as i said Intel did take in many USM students....well thats all for the second week...more picture will be up soon, my american supervisor's one as well.

1st week of work - WW23

2006-06-15T13:39:00.000+08:00

Having been in here for 2 weeks already, work is just started to get a little busy by day, and pressure stacking up as well.

Week 1(6th June - 9th June) - Basically for the first three days, was my Into Intel Program, its an orientation to Intel where they spend 3 days telling you about the do's and don'ts, rules and regulations, policies, guidelines when you are an Inteller. Pretty boring but I have to know them all. Some of the weird rules are: People are to walk on ONLY "Zebra Stripes" line which means we can’t simply walk the path we want. There will be zebra stripes on the side of the road where pedestrian can only walk on that. For instance if u can walk straight from Building A to Building B, but the zebra stripes is drawn as u have to turn left and right to reach B, u will have to follow and turn left and right. A strictly upheld rule in Intel.

Another weird rule is for the vehicles, which I think pedestrian is the King of all. Basically I can say that Intel promoted Human Right. They showed it in the way that when pedestrian is crossing the road on the zebra stripes, all vehicles will have to stop and wait for them to cross.

And there are so much more to tell…wait till I found out all and I will publish it. Its full or RULES…….

On 9th, Friday, it was the first day I went into my Office, PG 7 Industrial Engineering Dptment, Automation System group. Basically PG 7 stands for Intel Penang Building 7. There are a total of 12 building in Intel Penang with one Intel University where most of the training classes and orientation held.

Well it’s a busy week for orientation…that till now I had only had time to scribble a few words here. Lots of people been asking hows my work in Intel, thanks for your concern. Will try to update my blog more frequently. J

A Secretive Revealance

2006-06-10T23:47:00.000+08:00

Whew!! Been in penang for a week, get into Intel from 6th for 3 days Orientation, and 9th of June, Friday, is the first day i really get into Office. My supervisor is an US expedict, Tim. He is the one who interviewed and decided to take me into his team. Well i will write something about my work in Intel very soon, since everyone is asking me about it. but today something really special/weird happen to me,almost couldn't believe it.

I went shopping at Gurney Plaza this afternoon, and as soon as i get in, something funny happens.I was molested...should i say molested?or a crush?it shouldnt be a crush, not even a molestion....duno how to categorize it. Here is how the story goes...

Well, before i visit Gurney, i was brought to savour some local delicacies at Penanag in Saw Thong Heng street...wonder if i pronounce it right. It was an al fresco eating place with makeshift stall setting up at both sides of an old street. I was pespirating after finishing my gulfing session there, so the next thing i need to do is to find a gents for my after meal grooming and touched up session. Then as usual, i'm a very particular person about hygene, so a little below average managed gents is totally out of my thought and Gurney, as a high-class shopping mall as it is, should have a nice gents.

So as soon as i arrived, i get myself into the gents next to Versace outlet.
When i walk in, the gents was empty.then a guy come in after me.When i was done paying my bills, and was going to wash my hands, i turned around and see the guys has also done his routine. So both he and me was washing our hand and coincident has it, gurney toilet has NO TISSUE!! Can you believe that?Anyway that was not a major issue,when i was lookin around for toilet paper, the guy told me :"I dont think there is any toilet paper here as well." and smiling. Then i say OK and reply with a smile.

Then the next best thing i did is to find a hand dryer. To the very foolish of me, i coudln't get it functioned.He turned and look at me and smile again(as i was thinking, this guy is weird). then i said to him , " I think this is not functioning as well." and i was about to walk out, he came over and try it for me, and he got it working. I thanks him and he smile and grab my arm and hold my hand with a very weird expression,trust me, the way he he did it....its really..Oh My Godly weird, a normal guy will not do that...(i describe it in a very polite manner here, for the sake of smooth reading. But the real situation...a sudden shock for me...haha...i even shaking after i came to realise what the guy has done to me.)Well....all i can say is the guy is homosexual...from the way he acts and dressed..my gosh...do i look GAY?how could i attract a guy?and the best thing is,this is not the first time already....

The first time was in Century Mahkota(melaka) after the buffet dinner i took there. It happen in the toilet as well. A malay or indonesia guy(im not sure about the race) staring at me and follw me into it. I walked in and out of the toilet 2 times because i was waitin for my other friend who was still " doing his business" in the toilet. Apparently, the malay/indonesia guy was following but for the naiveness of me, i didnt' suspect a thing out of it. Then at the 2nd time that i turn and walk out, he slurred his erotic hands and hug my waist and pinch me(like a sex teasing style). I was shock and ran out sraight away, and i was standing still for a few second before i awake that i was actually molested.and i call up my fren inside the toilet and urge him to be fast as i wanted to leave that place as soons as possible, and from that time on, i never visit Century Mahkota anymore.

For the second time, was the most hardcore one...it was the hardest memory that i couldn't wiped off my mind. Every now and then im still thinking of it. It does hurt me a lot....u can guess how serious the case it, if i go to the police, it will be a criminal offence...so,would'nt wanna review it publicly here.

feeling a little bit depress after all these thing happen.......anyone can explain why?
Never thought of telling my cases here, its very Embarassing...but it keeps happen...i can't take it sometime....what is wrong?

Intel Internship

2006-05-20T03:56:00.000+08:00

Yeah!! How could i forget.....this important days in my life!!I got INTEL for my internship on 17 of May 2006....YEAH!!...its was my dream, my goal...i reached it, as it only take 3 student from MMU.Im not being too proud as i know getting in there, i have to perform well. So its not a bed of roses waiting for me in Intel but a bunch of challenges....trying to prepare myself, mentally and physically.

I know alot of people has been looking down at me, when knowing that i was shortlisted for Intel becuase i am not a First Class student and my result was far behind them, i got the offer but they didn't. The most hurtful fact is they are my FRIEND...when knowing my shortlisted news for Intel, they threw out nasty string such as "I dont like to work with big company, so much pressure, this and that". Some even said "Huh?U get it ar?"(which that suppose to means i had a poorer result then them but why i get it but they dont),or" How u get it?Ask from lecturer or people recommend?"(which in other way he/she means i get shortlisted because i got some relation). Now i have proved to these people, that i get in by applying through Intel website, Job Application, not by any relation but by myself. .(Click here to apply if you don't believe)

My interview gone smoothly, with an european guy.Guess i will have an european guy as my supervisor.The interview started off messily as i dont remmeber the time for interview that i actually called up and ask if its 4pm or 4.30pm, and this european guy, Tim, pick up and say its 4.30 but he is free now and we can get it started. So there we go, turning on the engine with some warm up question, my brief introduction. All the processes are not much worth to discuss. But what surprise me was at the end of the conversation, he said he is just testing me if i can communicate well, which means whether if i had a good command for english. He said he doesn't want some one who can't speak well in english which in turn is hard for him to work with.Well, i get a high respect and reputation from him for my english, thats what im so proud of. Many seniors had told me that english is important for jobbing, but its not for me to remember till i experienced it myself, now, i agree with two thumbs up.And he also mentioned that i had a good result.Haha..which i think he himself is not really a top student, so thats why he will considered mine as a good result.

Well...thats almost all after 5 seconds he hung up, then he got back to me saying that i got the job. I was ecstacize but also worrying if i can perform well there. Well, youngster should try eveyerthing while u can, fear is nothing, the only fear is U yourself and if u never try, you will never know. So regardless how the result of the internship will be, i will still go in Intel, and contribute what i can. After the high-fly news, i packed my feeling and get back to my study as i have two core papers to conquer the next day, that i don't even feel very very much excited that i would jump off the staircase at mainhall(where the place i study) due to the pilling moutain pressure i hard for the two exams.

To my friend who had never stop jealousing and back-stabbing me,what i have to tell is I did come a hard way to get to where i am now, i don't know how hard you have worked to reach your goal, or maybe u have worked very hard but the luck/chance is not by your side yet, but one day im sure it will visit you. For me, i set my goal, and i strive for it and i reached it now. I feel proud for myself...maybe a little, not for i got into Intel, but just that my effort, has been paid off, from a failure king, to where i am now. It was hard, but the fruit of my labour, is sweet. I have come a long hard journey, almost 1 and a half year, to get here, if u want the same success or even higher, don't just sit there and bubbling about what people has gotten but you don't.Start to move your ass. God is fair, Success Comes To Those Who Work, Failure Visits Only Those Who Procrastinate... i always remember a friend, who seems just a passer by in my life, but one phrase that he gave me during standard six, stil have much inpact on me till now. On the autograph, he wrote

"There is not stupid people or dumb people in this world. People work hard for 1 percent, you work hard for the 10 percent of it. If People work hard 1o percent then u work hard 100 percent of it. People pay 1 fold of effort, remember, you pay 10 fold of it. You will success one day.别人读一次，你就读十次；别人读一百次，你就读一千次。终有一天，你会成功的。"

I am still in the same University with him, but never close fren, just hi and bye a few time.Thats my motivation...to survive.... Thankx to him...

another person, i would like to thank,is someone who had help me so much..his guidance and advice..u knw who u are...Thank You.

Hope my intenrship period, will be worthful and meaningful...

Desperate Housewives ...

2006-05-20T03:02:00.000+08:00

A lonely night, that i had just finished my favourite soap opera - Desperate Housewives season 2 episode 22. Well....from last episode...Bree drove her son away, it was indeed a big hit on the drama, and this episode,the second to last, was even more sombre, that a few matters, had already came to theirs extreme.

I was not in an estatic mood, after finishing this episode. Lynette left Tom, Danielle left Bree, and so lots more, that will leave u thinking and chaining you down to the soleness mood. Well, its almost the end of the season two, and its time to conclude, well, all good things have to come to an end, but seems nothing ends well there, and i have less laughter, going to the end of the season.

In this episode, it really touches deep down to my heart, when Lynette saw her unfaithfull husband, cheating on her. I can relate to her, as i share the same condition in months before. It was never good, when u trusted and gave so much love to some one, and they just taken it for granted. But what surprise me, was the toughness and independence of Lynette, that she just took her pet and kids, and left. For me? I was still clinging, hoping for miracle. Will i be too loyal? I don't have much confident that the future will be good or not being cheated again, i just doesn't have the guts, to say "No, we should end it here."

Stop Stop....dragging in too much personal emotion.You see, when i say it relates to me, it really does, im strating to flash back those unfaithful moment, that almost crushes my life. Some of my fren asked me, why have u grown so thin. I guess those who had read this blog, you have the answer now. It was the first time, i clarify this issue. Its never been good, for a betrayal to happen in anyone of us, i can't take it, but i can't let go. Its a mental torture, and my weight that has dropped so much, is the price, that i have to pay, for clinging on the bee, that i hope one day the bee will not suck honey. But which bee doesn't?guess i just have to have the guts...

Anyway...next episode that gonna air few day later, will be the last episode of season 2, which is episode 23.Basically it will be a flashback of season 2, it will be a marathon of 2 hours.So, lets cherish the end.
Desperate Housewives Season 2 FINALE preview

幸福就好

2006-05-15T00:46:00.000+08:00

心还在跳
眼泪滴穿破晓
受伤人勉强在笑
分手也只是迟早

宽容在咆哮
唤醒我别在计较
付出的别求回报
曾经爱过就好

**
你快乐很好
和他幸福到老
放手了不需要知道
当初谁付出多少

我会过得很好
继续为生活奔跑
希望我也可以找到
属于我爱情的宝

Monologue

2006-05-12T01:16:00.000+08:00

To the sea i once sang,
Where will your very end be?
The wave keeps splashing,
and my voice soon futile.

To the sun i once shouted,
When will your ray turn cold?
The shaft is still bold,
and my question seems failed.

To cupid i once whispered,
Where will my true love be?
The bow is forerever sealed,
As cupid has felt in love.

To the sky above i wondered,
Will the moon ever be lonesome?
To the man with no love,
Will your heart be too sole?

泪泉

2006-05-10T02:20:00.000+08:00

失去之后，泪还会流,
是因为我还深爱着。
哭过以后，心还会痛，
是因为我还不愿放手。

下面的这篇文章，很多人都可能看过上几十遍了，我也是。但无论看多少次，自己都会很感动。所以就把它放进部落里，当作收藏。

叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留
---------------------------------------------------

树的告白：
会叫树的原因，是因为我擅长画水彩画，最爱画树，久而久之，我的画作右下方索性以一棵树来代表我。高中三年交过五个女朋友，有一个女孩子，我很爱她，却迟迟不敢追，她没有美丽的面孔，没有姣好的身材，没有撩人的魅力，一个再平凡不过的女孩子。我喜欢她，真的真的很喜欢她，喜欢她的单纯，她的直率，她的可爱，她的智障，她的脆弱。不追她的原因，也许是潜意识觉得平凡如她配不上我；也许是因为怕在一起后，一切的好感都会消失；也许是怕外人的指指点点伤害了她；也许是觉得，她会是我的，不用急着为了她而放弃一切。最后这个原因，让她陪了我三年，让她看着我和别的女孩子厮混了三年，让她心痛了三年。她很想当一个好演员，但我却像一个严苛的导演。我和第二个女朋友在厕所接吻，被她撞见，她尴尬的笑笑说：「Go on！”然后跑掉，第二天，她眼睛肿得跟核桃一样，我故意不去猜想是谁让她哭成这样，嘲笑了她一天，她在所有人都回家后，在教室哭了起来，她不知道练球回来拿东西的我，看了她一个多小时。我的第四个女朋友，一直很不喜欢她，有次她们两个吵了起来，我知道依她的个性不会去惹事，但我还是护着女朋友，她被我吼了一下后，愣住，眼泪滑了下来，我无视她的眼泪，陪女友走出教室，第二天，她依旧嘻嘻哈哈的和我开玩笑，我知道她很难过，但她不会知道我的心不比她好受。当我和第五个女朋友分手时，我约她出去玩，玩了一天，我对她说：「我有事要对妳说。”她说：「真巧，我也有事要对你说。”「我和她分手了。”「我和他在一起了。”我知道「他”是谁，他追她也有一阵子了，是个蛮可爱的男孩子，活泼有趣，充满了热情，追她追得满城风雨。我不能表现自己的心痛，只能笑笑地恭喜她，但当我回到家，心中的痛楚强烈得令我无法承受，像有个千斤重的石头压在我胸口，我无法呼吸，想大叫却叫不出来，眼泪竟然滑了下来，我掩面大哭，多少次，我也看着她为了那个不愿承认的人掩面大哭。毕业典礼时，我在手机上发现了一封简讯，这是十天前，我掩面大哭时传来的，只是我一直没有去开过机。叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留。”

叶子的告白：
高中时，喜欢蒐集叶子，why？因为我觉得，一片叶子要离开它长期依赖的树，好勇敢哩！高中三年，我和一个男孩子很好，不算男女朋友那种好，是好朋友那种好，但是，在他交第一个女朋友时，我学会了一种不该有的感觉，吃醋，心中的酸，不是一颗柠檬可以比喻，那就像是100颗臭酸的柠檬，酸到不行，他们只在一起两个月，当他们分手，我还得掩饰自己心中强烈的喜悦，但是一个月后，他和另一个女孩子在一起。我喜欢他，也知道他喜欢我，可是，他为什么总是不追我呢？明明喜欢彼此，为什么不行动？每当他交一个女朋友，我就心痛一次，一次又一次的打击，让我不禁怀疑，是我一厢情愿吗？不爱我，为什么要对我那么好？他对我的好，已经不是普通朋友可以做到。喜欢一个人，好难过，我可以清楚的知道他的喜好，他的习惯，唯独他对我的感觉，我猜不透，难道要我这个女孩子去开口吗？尽管如此，我还是想在他身边，关心他，陪他，爱他，也许算是一种等待的行为，等待他回来爱我，就像每天晚上等他的电话，等他的简讯，我知道，就算他再忙，也会拨出一些时间给我。这样的等待，陪了我三年，等待是难熬的，是令人想放弃的，但等到的那一刹那，让人第二天会继续等下去。这样的煎熬，这样的痛苦，这样的幸福，这样的矛盾，陪了我三年。直到三年级下学期，高二一个学弟喜欢上我，每天的热情追求，令我从一开始的拒绝，渐渐愿意挪出我心房的一些位置给他。他像一阵温柔而持久的风，撩拨我这片摇摇欲坠的叶子，到最后，我发现我已经不想只留一点点的位置给这阵风，我知道这阵风，会带我这片伤痕累累的叶子，到更幸福的地方。于是我离开了树，树只是笑笑，没有挽留。叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留。”

风的告白：
因为我喜欢的女孩子叫叶子，因为她有一棵令她依恋的树，所以我要当一阵风，一阵呵护她的风。第一次看见她，是高二我转来一个月后的事，个子小小的她坐在球场旁，一双眼凝视着同和我在球场的学长，每天的社团时间，她总会坐在那里，一个人，和朋友，她的眼光依旧凝视着他，当他和女孩子打打闹闹，她的眼中有泪，当他看向她，她的眼中有笑。看她成了我的习惯，就像她爱看他。有一天她没来，我心中没来由的焦虑与不安，我无法解释那种感觉，除了不安，还是不安，而且那学长竟然也不在。我冲去他们教室，躲在外面，看着学长骂她，她的眼泪，他的离去。第二天，她依旧坐在场边，看着他，我走过去，对她笑一笑，拿了张纸条给她，她先是惊讶的看着我，然后笑笑地收下。隔天，她拿着纸条出现在我面前，然后离开。叶子的心太沉重，风吹不动。” 不是叶子的心太沉重，是叶子根本就不想离开树。” 我回给她这段话后，她渐渐会和我说话，收我的礼物，接我的电话。我知道她喜欢的不是我，但我还是有毅力一定要让她喜欢上我，四个月内我告白了不下20次，每一次她都转移话题，但我还是不会放弃，我决定要的人，我就一定会给它追过来！一直到不知道第几次的告白，出了口，虽然知道她一定会又说到别的事，但还是有一丝丝希望她的答应，没想到她都不说话，「妳在干嘛？怎么不说话？”我对着话筒说。我在点头。” 啊？”我不敢相信自己的耳朵。我在点头！”她大声叫。我甩掉电话，匆匆披上一件衣服，上了机车，冲去她们家按门铃，当她开门的那一刹那，紧紧抱住她。叶子的离开，是因为风的追求，还是树的不挽留

Failure of an IT Support Team

2006-05-08T01:30:00.000+08:00

Duno what else to say...just have a look of the two pictures below.

<-click to view large image
Previously, it was the MMLS server downage due to hardware failure, according to the reason given by CITS, now...its the student webmail being hacked...what a big joke on CITS Melaka.

Im starting to wonder, what strength do the IT Support team has in facing with disaster? Is it NULL?

For MMLS, it has been already down for a week, during this critical period where final exam is anywhere near, and it hasnt recovered. I presummed they don't backup the server database weekly or even monthly as the MMLS backup server they put up, is not a full copy nor it is constant updated one as i can see the lectures note was only from week 1 to week 4, then jump to week 10.Where is the data in between? if the database is constantly backup and recovered back, the data should be available from lecture week 1-10 or either available in sequence, wont be like from week 4 then jump to week 10. From this problem, a weakness which i believes its only tip of the iceberg, which is the so called Mutimedua Learning System has No Constant Backup of the database. From what i know, MMLS is the most important asset in MMU as they are using this as their pride in providing multimedia learning system which is the first and that is why they got the MSC status. MMU is also the first Uni in malaysia that promore the K-economy which is the Knolwdge Economy by introducing Knowledge Base Learning and Sharing System which is also the MMLS( although it is not fully utilyze as a knowldege sharing environemnt) . But guess what? The seems like almighty System, has no constant backup...........when anything goes wrong, the data get dangled and scattered around providing no quality recovery...i wonder if they will js leave us with the backup copy of incomplete mmls till finals ignoring the need of full recovery of MMLS for current use ... Lousy or not?u rate it!

<- click to view large image
Student webmail..haha...look at the banners...i burst out laughing to hell.....
yeah...so called IT Support Team......................
got nothing to say...

Think u are in a Pioneer High-Technology University? Think again...

When...

2006-05-07T20:59:00.000+08:00

When Blue birds sing,
When Green trees smile;
When Hot sun pampers
and when Cool breeze caresses,
that is when,
our love will triumph.

These few words suddenly poped up in my mind, its been a while i don't write in english...

选择

2006-05-06T23:40:00.000+08:00

好失落，孙燕姿的演唱会没得去看了。

前几年她第一次在大马开售票演唱会，很想去，但因为那时还小，所以没去。去年她发 [完美的一天] 这张专辑，说2006 年会在大马开个唱。那时听到这消息，我就告诉自己，一定要去看，到今天演唱会的晚上，我坐在家里，还是去不成了。。。失落，遗憾。。。唉。。。我也坦然接受了。起初想去看，却觉得一个人去很无聊，就打算约人去，拖到最后，决定去了，但门票也只剩RM 250 及350。。。那么贵。。。但我还是心痒痒，想着要去。。。后来，真的是太贵了。。。就狠心放弃了。

演唱会去不了，实事接受了，但这背后，却让我联想到了一些事。想起当初，我双手退掉了一颗珍珠及一颗钻石，也顺道推掉了让我走上奢华的两条路，现实的接受了一丁点的水晶。为什么会推掉？我也不清楚，是觉得这些美好的事情是永远不可能发生在我身上吧。。。不过再怎么想，我还是已经失去了这两颗珠宝，失去了让我过得奢华的生活。后悔了吗？不想去想，我这个人，比较实际吧。有可能是觉得高攀不起珠宝，或是觉得获得不是自己劳力得来的东西很没有意思，还是留恋水晶。。。

所以这次，我赫然发现，我的选择，已经影响着我接下来的路，比如进不了[英特尔]受训。也因为我感情用事的决定，让我目前的两个愿望，实现不到了。。。狮子座，就是感情当先。。。

“标签”- 这回事。。。

2006-04-25T02:21:00.000+08:00

好累了。心累，人也累。毕竟也在这打滚了3年。今晚，心情好复杂，被以为自己认为可以并肩作战，想法思想都一致的人当众射了一枪，对着我说：‘这就是不能接受别人讲（批评）的性格”。当时，我有点反应不过来，也楞了一下，才如梦初醒地深深了解原来世界上想法跟自己一致的人，只有自己，也提醒了我，这三年的路上，并肩作战的，只是自己，要走这路途，靠的也只是自己。战友？陪你度过了多少个冷嘲热讽？跟你度过了多少个战役？多少个成败？到最后战友也只是自己的痴想。

当我看见一群出生婴儿对这世界充满疑惑及恐惧时，我尝试为他们建立信心，暂时帮他们当了风雨，好让让他们对这世界有多点信任时，自己却被别人说成是那种野蛮，忠言逆耳的人，在这群婴儿群面前将莫须有的罪名加在我身上，欲加之罪，其无辞呼，顿时使我无地自容。

在这世界各个角落的人种都很喜欢比，有时连上大号的时间长短或放屁大小声都要比。哎。。。今天我就遇到了一个‘比’的事件。有朋友说，有兄长把这里的活动更赛城的拿来相比。奇怪的是，同一棵树开的两个树枝，往两个不同的方向成长开花，生长出去，正如苹果和橙同属水果，但却不同味道，那你能拿他们来相比吗？一个多属新人，跑搞活动性质来培育新人的；一个多属有经验的人，跑内部审思，反思的，请问要怎么比？

来到经验之谈，就不得不提‘师兄师姐’这几个字了。当他们可以帮到我们时，固然是好。不过，十之八九当你问他们对一些事情的意见时，都不难发觉他们都不会说‘做得很好’或‘我同意’之类的话。往往他们都会说些跟你们唱反调的话。为什么？理由很简单，尊师重道，在华人社会里有多重要我不用多解释。那既然你称他们为师长，当然是觉得他们比你厉害，资历比你深。所以如果当你问他们意见时，而他们只是一味同意你的做法，就会显示出他们的平庸。他们就会顾虑到你们会觉得师兄也不过如此而已，想法都跟你们一样，也厉害不到哪里。为了要显示他们作为师长的威严，为了要显示他们比你深思熟虑资深得多，他们就会抛出一些跟你的意见完全180度相反的东西。让你心中羡慕得‘哇’声连连，‘哇！不愧是师长，想法多，又够仔细等等 ’。那时他们就会沾沾自喜，然后以后有什么事你又会倒回去问他们，而他门又会得到更多的尊重，然后他们就会越说越多，把不可能的事都说成可能,要你去实践，就因为如此，他们就何乐而不为嘛?真是费解。。。
但本人并不是要抹杀的师长对我们的贡献，以上言论并非针对任何人，因为只有吃过丹青的人，才会尝到丹青苦。但建议如果要问意见，起码要找个心术正一点的啊。。。

哎。。。。。。。。。人，都在想什么？脑转得比电脑快几亿倍，却都在想垃圾，难怪人的用处都比不上一架电脑。。。。。

-- Shayne Ward --

2006-04-20T01:56:00.000+08:00

Its really a "WHOA!!!!!"...when i click "Play" on the song in my WMP. A sooth, magnetic, sexy and yet calming voice, singing the tunes of lovely ballade, amplifying through my speaker...GOSH....it kills me, at that very moment. Who is he? Well, came to think of it, I did run across his name few times, in newspaper, just a glimpse, however, he didnt caught much of my attention, probably because of his debut doesn't seem to be huge and yet, he didnt manage to create fever and storm, as the stereotype talent show winner, and again, if you are questioning who is he, here i putting my all thumbs up, presenting the guy -- Shayne Ward!!!

He didnt break any records upon his debut album, his didn't poison his fan to be craze of him upon his very first single released after winning the Talent Show in ITV, he was said to be the failure succeding the winning title for the talent show after Will Young and he, didn't get the camera light flashing and reporters pens scribbling on him to make up newpapers headlines. Its a miracle, that i came through his album, for such a person who are bored with the europeans music indusrty like me, who thinks that the european music industry is a complete dull filling with all rockers and punk, plus typical rappers and r&b singers, which whoever is capable to make fame without having good voices and posses quality singing skills.

Shayne Ward, after getitng his album, i still doubt to play it as afraid to get one of the european music kind, but now, i will make sure it will be fitted into my Ipod, be my playlist conpanying me days and night and every steps i take. I dare to say, i have no regret, and he, is really different, outstanding the too many stereotypes artist. Sadly. critics have been made to this british lads for rising slow, as for failing to follow the path of the previous winner, who achieve fame over night, as every talent show winner do, as such, American Idol, Popstar and so on. Everyone sees the winner of the reality shows, are the superstar, but he is not. Good or bad? yet to know but i do believe, he won the title for his ability that he possed.

In this debut album, "Shanye Ward", he did some replication of old tunes as well as some new songs, adding up to 13 tracks. Hits like " Thats My Goal", "No Promises", and "I Cry", totally stealing my heart away. All i can say is, its been long, i never heard such a tenor, such a beautiful voice, perfectly, in the english music industry. Totally recommended...another talented and quality talent show stars is Born.

海南鸡饭

2006-04-19T03:26:00.001+08:00

时间已经是3。25分了。。。明天一早还有10 点课。通常，这时候我已经是倒头大睡了。可是今晚我执意要写出这篇文章。原因？很简单。在一个机缘巧合下，我看了一部轻松又感人的电影， [海南鸡饭]。

这并不是新片，当这部片子在去年上映时，就有想过去看，但因为这片在大马属国际电影，在国际院线才会上，所以没机会看。事隔多时，想不到在作天给我找到这部片的下载，在没有其他更好的戏看的情况下，就姑且下载了。今晚，在做完一份assingment 后，又累又无聊的开了来看。

起初我并没有期望太高，但看了以后，发觉这部电影所要表达的事情，很多，很有意思，也很有启发性。

这部电影讲述了一个在新加坡卖海南鸡饭的妈妈，珍，带大了3个儿子。老大跟老二是同性恋，但珍却不愿意接受他儿子是同志的事实。导演以珍不愿意尝试隔壁店推出的新产品，海南鸭饭衬托出了珍不能接受新事物的古老思想，比如不能够接受同志。

为了不让老幺是同志，他不管三七二十一，先发制人，还未弄清楚老幺的性向，就弄来了一个法国女生住入他家，寄望这浪漫又热情的法国女生可以和老幺发展恋情，不料，老幺却因为他最好的朋友，Batman 离国后整个人变得神不守舍。那时，珍才真正的发现，他三个儿子都是同性恋。

故事转回那法国女生住入珍家时，他带了一大堆逻辑进来，比如在法国的漩涡水是逆时针流的，在新加坡却是顺时针的。过后，当珍知道自己的儿子都是同志时，崩溃得不行了，那法国女生安慰了他，他才开始学者悻然接受事实。他对法国女生说了一句话‘当你告诉我水的逆转方向时，我就知道你能教会我很多东西。’但那法国女生却回复‘其实在法国，漩涡水并没有逆时针流，而我也并不能叫你任何你并不知道的东西。’这句话，深深的启发了我。想想，有时候，人并不是不知道事实，只是不愿意去接受事实所以找个借口让自己相信事实就是自己所想象的，想要的。正如珍，他明知道老幺是同志，却不愿意接受，而想尽办法改造老幺让他成为自己所要的儿子。

这部电影，最大的主题并不是同性恋，而是‘人生第一，其他的放一边’，所要讲的，是人，应该为了自己的人生而前进，不要受别人的牵制，Live your life and make you YOU. 电影那同性恋来带出这个主题非常贴切，因为同性恋通常都会受世俗眼光的歧视，但他们无可选择，也只能继续为了自己的人生而活下去。

这部电影，还有很多很有启发性的点子，用文字表达不出它真正的意思，也少了那一份感动。还有那一段结局，更是难以解释。所以我建议有兴趣的朋友可以去看着一部电影。对我而言，这电影的意义对我现在低落的心情，生活，找到了少少的依靠及激励。。。

P/S : 这部片子从头到尾都没有任何一个‘不干津’的镜头，是一部难得引用了同志课题却拍得这么干净的一部电影。

2006-03-16T06:09:00.000+08:00

Mood ::和平分开::

in a mood of saturation...of so many thing...of one of them is the way i choose to express my feeling and usually will drought myself into, which is listening to some nice song...but my IPOD spoilt....and all the songs seems sucks to me..until i came into this one...by the very local proud!Chen Wei Quan...all of a sudden i found that his album was so great..planning to get one soon.Here is one of the very recommended simple ballade, with only piano as background music...so hard to find songs compose this was nowadays....and the lyrics...is Powerful......

陈威全和平分开

和平分开
如果失眠因為夜長，夜長因為等待天亮天亮之後剩下孤單，
再看不到我以為的天堂我再倔強，再想勉強，也只能夠甘心的投降

如果寂寞讓人恐慌，恐慌多了讓人幻想幻想最後變成背叛，
難道我應該寬恕體諒在看穿之後繼續偽裝

我們的愛情也曾面對無數風浪這一次(到頭來)卻落得要兩敗俱傷
妳躲進了他的胸膛，要我絕望好長一段時間，不敢開口噓寒問暖

Chorus:
妳把絕望統統留下，快樂悲傷交了給他離開是我唯一的辦法，
回憶愈理愈是複雜騙自己說沒有牽掛，這麼孤單算不算懲罰

我只猶豫，停了一下，你就永遠交給了他愛與不愛沒有一絲掙扎，
空曠的房間沒什么留下我帶著僅存的一些回憶，和平分開一下哦... ...

我不再害怕，總是和愛擦肩而過妳的幸福，
偶爾我也聽說过哦... 從前那羡慕的目光，
如今投給了他我的愛找不到解答

2006-03-06T16:39:00.000+08:00

The 78th Annual Academy Awards
- and the Oscar goes to...

Here we are, the 6th of March 2006 on the Oscar night,anticipatedly yet not quite anticipated. A gaze at the hall, hollywood famous stars are sitting at the Kodak Teathre, being so calm and cool, but who knows they are having ants under their pants?Well..the Oscar kick starts with a classical theme decors the kodak teather with black and white.There are too much to say for this years Oscar, but the time is too little..
The outfit...the red carpet...and not to forgotten, who bags the Little Gold Man?

The Kodak Teather Hall at Hollywood....

*click on the Winner's Name to View Winner's Profile and Details
Best Directing :
Ang Lee
Brokeback Mountain

Best Picture :
Crash
Paul Haggis and Cathy Schulman

Best Actor in Leading Role :
Philip Seymour Hoffman
CAPOTE

Best Actor in Supporting Role :
George Clooney
SYRIANA

Best Actress in Leading Role :
Reese Witherspoon
WALK THE LINE

Best Actress in Supporting Role :
Rachel Weisz
THE CONSTANT GARDENER

Best Film Editing :
CRASH
Hughes Winborne

Best Music(Song):
"IT'S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP" FROM HUSTLE & FLOW
Music and Lyric by Jordan Houston, Cedric Coleman and Paul Beauregard

Best Music(Score):
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Gustavo Santaolalla

Best Foreign Language Film :
TSOTSI
South Africa

Best Animated Features Film :
WALLACE & GROMIT IN THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT
Nick Park and Steve Box

Best Art Direction:
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
John Myhre (Art Direction); Gretchen Rau (Set Decoration)

Best Cinematography:
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
Dion Beebe

Best Costume Design :
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA
Colleen Atwood

Best Writing(Adapted Screenplay):
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN Screenplay by Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana

Best Writing(Original Screenplay):
CRASH Screenplay by Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco; Story by Paul Haggis

And there goes the Oscar, 78th Annual Academy Awards..alot of familiar faces in the awards list..This year Oscar was an eye-open for me...as their creative team has done a great job.Stil remember for the last few continuous years, the Oscar was like all the same, for the stage and image.This year, at least the Association of Movie Academy has done something fresh to the appearance of the event.Talking back to the awards, the big hit, or the so called "Brokeback Effect", the fued doens't really go that far anyway. Out of the 8 nominations, which is the most among all, the movie has only manage to bag 3 Oscars. I assume that all are big winner in this years oscar, without anyone outstanding anyone.

The Awards, were somehow equally distributed, and yet, the Association of Movie Academy, is still going well with it's conservative way in the Best Picture category, well maybe those judges are still the same bunch of old folks..(if u know what i mean, u will laugh, or else, refer to the case of Brokeback Mountain and Philadelphia for Best Picture nomination). For the Best Directing, no surprise as this guy, who has made us proud, bag the Oscar, as he did in every awards or film fest around the world, he is a taiwanese, Mr. Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain. For the Best Actor and Actress Leading Role, Capote, Phillip was another no surprise but Reese Witherspoon...abit shocked that she really did that well?or infact Felicity or Charlize did better?This years nominations for Best Actress was tough, well done reese, its your year!For the rest was just so so..

As in people's mouth, Golden Globe was a premonition for Oscar, and in deed, this year prove it well although the Golden Globe and Oscar committee try to work in hand to avoid this kinda of rumours by pulling the Golden Globe date to the early beginning of the year and Oscar dragging to later days.But if u see the awards winner, all are the same old face.All we can say that those two teams of judge are so professional and having the same jugdemental thinking, or we can say that those winner in both Awards are really P R O F E S S I O N A L that both the world establish movie association has to give accreditation to them.Applause...........

Reuters has reported that the 78th Oscar, is in fact nothing New..[Click to read more]

*for those who missed the Oscar Live, watch it tmr night delayed live on NTV7 8.30pm.

Dark Clouds After Rain

2006-02-26T21:28:00.000+08:00

It's already 4.30am...i was still awaken and listening to some sad melody,trying to turns my wavy feelings into words.

It was an interesting day where i got to meet up with 4 superb persons, so there will be no regret for me stayin over melaka for a 2 hours seminar and gave up a chance to a concert.

Miriam Yeung and Leo Ku's combination concert was a hit in me.I was in craze for it and at the end someone so sweet to offered me free tickes, with free stay overnight.But i turned the deal off, hoping for a better event to occurs in me, better than my idol's concert,certainly. If you would have known me, you would be well acknowledged that my Ipod will always have Miriam Yeung's songs playing all time to make my days,nonetheless, Leo Ku's love hits as well.Surprise striken that i gave up such a chance for the concert.Reason?He is the only one that knew it. Hope my efforts are not worthless. I promise to help and to support, and so i kept my promise, at least thats what i can do.

The 2 hours seminar opened my eyes for how serious a man can be when it came to Money and Business. Their enthusiasms, passion, and confident are unbeatablly shone through all.That was a wiorthwhile of 2 hours time.And then, a sleep is what i needed which i head on to bed straight after reaching home.

Before long, night came short. Skipping the outting preparation procedures , i reached Wings Cafe with a fren. Unintentionally, we came through a topic,something like A is in love with B, but this gal C love B, which A felt a big hit on it's backhead.An arrow of disasters shot through it's fragile heart, and the heart cried. B thpught its not worth for A and B had fought endlessly and countlessly because of the appearance of C. Obvious enough that A has some jealousy attitude in this matter but all i can say is its normal.Who is happy to see their lover, being loved by someone else's?I would say that no man can stand the case...A thought that its js not worthwhile....anyway...thats the story,draggy...and js on time, the singer at the cafe sang the song,"Still Friends" by Yu Heng, a right song came at the right time but wrong place...hhehe.....im moved but counldnt do anything but js holding tears.

Well, sequence of that is nothing much to be mentioned as we changed topics as fast as the NASDAQ stock exchange rates, and none of them stayed long in our mouth.Then my other groups of fren arrived,and we changed our chilled out spot to another cafe as this one was closing.After few chat...we decided to get going for an early rest, it's realy early, 2.30am!And before i can cal it a day, i should have mentioned this, on the way e safely, with some chickenin feeling and wobbly legs.

It's a hard day for mebac, some wreckless driver actually hit our car but luckily nothing happen.But thing didnt end that easy.When we stopped by roadside to check our car, that driver actually stop the cars and ran over, showing his road-bully behaviour,saying "Did i hit your car?"with a threatening tone.My friend was about to return with a string of profainity but looking at the case of a drunken driver, he just avoid to talk to an unconcious person.In that whole process, my heart almost missed a beat,and it was a moment of life hanging in a percarious balance...thank god finally i reach hom, for i rejected an offer, a chance to watch my idol's performace, i took up another chance which seems not as interesting(sounds like a peom,The Road Not Taken,two road diverge into two..blablabla...); i came across a shocking story, indeed its not too shocking as i could guess it before time,but still feel the pain; i got a hang out at Xuan; and lastly met with the breath-holding moment in the wee hours...So many decision to make...that i lost myself...am i doing for my own good?or for others?

A wavy days...too much ups and downs that i hardly can take it...and i bring these emotion into bed, and i guess its gonna be another sleepless night.I was having sleepless night cause by my unstable emotion...its no jokes.Im a Leo, which has very bed temper and emotion, worst off im the type which dont knw how to control...Js need some help and time...

Listening to a repetoire from Wei Lan, a HK female new comers...named "Goodbye"...so smooth...so sombre...and its raining outside...

The Amazing 22th of February!!!

2006-02-22T23:49:00.001+08:00

S itting down,resting my injured leg....tyring to figure out how to solve my assignment...from a site, i found the code, modify then run it.It works.there goes half of my pressure.Due date is on fri, but i dont even finish half.still have another half to go after i finishing my scribbles.

It was a real sunny day for i woke up to.Everything seems so fine and lovely.As routine i took my breakfast and rush my path to campus.The wind, the sun, the air...are all my pals! Good time flies and before i knew it,the most interesting lecture that i ever had, came to an end, 12pm.The rest was not much special.

It was until 3.35pm, that i prepared myself to the next class at 4, some gentlemen actually asked me to go for TeaBreak before i would stuck myself to the 6 hours marathon of classes.That was the time, when the extreme humiliation occurred in me in the library.Well, the brilliance was, I was trying to be a dual-core processor(which is a newly invent by Intel),by reading text message and walking down the staircase, without realising that im js a human afterall. And so, a slipped and a turned, i felt straight to the floor in a split seconds.I barely recalled that had i made any enormous noise or had any witnesses that laughed at my clumsiness, as the first thing i did when i got up, was flashing myself out of the library in the speed of light, ignoring the crucial pain at my ankle and neck.

My left heel was seriously injured that i walked with a jump.Embarrasing enough with the falling and the walking, as the saying goes "good things come in pairs", with my ankle sprained, whisplash injuries was definitely adding salt to the wound.My neck was injured during the accident as well, and so my turning point from left to right would be 125 degrees only.Pityful that i couldn't even lift my head to refill myself with H2O.And just when i thought things couldnt be any worst, the most-worst visited. My class venues were farly seperated that i had to conquered ramp, climbed stairs and walked a long way to reach...and the rest of the time, was nothing much than the long torturing 6 hours classes that i had to gone through, having to cope with the boring lecture and stand the pain in me.

Finally....it was about 10pm...HOME TIME!!!And definitely, the kind gentlemen offered himself to fetch me back..."thank you, dude"...and here i am sitting here, doing my Data Structure assignment, having dealt with the Pascal Triangle coding and helping my fren who is in love trouble...as busy as i was...im still an strayed patient...no one knows and no one care...but came to think of it, if people would have asked why will i injured myself, will i confront the truth?haha......well, just let it be the "thought of the day" .

2006-02-15T04:20:00.000+08:00

勇敢起立不再自卑
寻找真爱不再退位
掠过的爱不算可悲
多伤的事都觉得凄美

坎坷路途有人就位
那刻温暖纯属暧昧
连牵手的机会都不给

**
就算恶魔也有天使相陪
可我连缺陷情人都不配
人海之中我等到心碎失去安慰

简单的爱到底会伤了谁？
等待的人等到眼泪
这寻爱旅程渐渐天黑
看淡的心经已伤痕累累